A Labor of Love (Expanded)

The thought of cleaning SLOBC in time for the New Year reminds me of my youth. It used to be that the time between Christmas and New Years was very busy for Japanese families. The house had to be thoroughly cleaned, the windows and cars washed, and of course, the various food dishes prepped for cooking. My job was to clean all the windows of our 4 bedroom house with an enclosed patio. This translated to 30 windows! In Hawaii, each window had a removable screen on the outside and glass jalousies on the inside. The jalousies are glass panels about 4 inches wide and 18 inches long that fitted into individual brackets of a metal frame. The frame would hold about 10 jalousies and could be rotated 90 degrees from full close to full open. This allowed for the trade winds to naturally flow through the house, keeping it cool since air conditioning was unheard of. Needles to say, cleaning all the screens and individual glass jalousie took a whole weekend. If time allowed, I would then clean my parents’ cars.

New Years Day was special – friends and relatives would be coming to visit and also sample the many traditional foods that took countless hours to prepare: sushi; nishime (a root vegetable dish made us of bite size pieces of carrots, Japanese potatoes, lotus root, water chestnuts, bamboo shoots and seaweed); ozone (a clear broth soup with mochi (rice cakes), green leafy vegetables and chopped clams); kuro-mame (sweetened, cooked black beans); kimpira (shredded burdock root, cooked and seasoned); sashimi; a whole fish prepared Chinese style (hot seasoned oil poured over fish sprinkled with cilantro); and kaarage (breaded deep fried chicken or pork), to name a few. After spending an hour or two at one house, everyone then moved on to another family to partake in foods that they prepared. This went on all afternoon and evening. Although there was so much to eat, everyone enjoyed New Years Day. Now, however, the fare is pizza, hot wings, chips and dips and football on TV. Cleaning the house and cars? That can wait for another day.


Reaching Out

During a recent stay in a hospital, I was told that I would be getting a roommate. Since there was a cur-tain between our beds, I could not see the new patient being wheeled in but listened to the conversations being carried out. My roommate was a 67 year old man who was diagnosed as autistic since a child but adapted well and lived a productive life. However, due to other physical problems, he was now bedrid-den and had to be cared for 24/7. Duane was being treated for pneumonia and his fever was not under control. His brother who had accompanied him explained to the nurse, Brandon, that Duane covers himself with the blanket because he is unfamiliar with his surroundings. Furthermore, Duane communicates by eye and head movements along with occasional grunts. I learned through his brother that an autistic person has difficulty communicating and interacting socially with others.

Throughout the night as Brandon tended to Duane, I could hear Brandon trying to coax Duane to “come out of his shell” and communicate with him. He continuously tried to gain Duane’s trust by praising him for the little things that he did. Brandon would say, “Good job,” or “You did real good; I’m proud of you!” I was impressed with Brandon’s patience and the approach he took with his patient. However, Duane would not open his mouth to take his medicine nor would he eat despite all the coaxing by Brandon. Brandon would also say, “You need to take your medicine; it will make you feel better; you will be able to go home.” Duane’s bedding also had to be changed often which made Brandon’s job even more taxing.

Once in awhile during my trips to the restroom, I would see Duane’s head uncovered so I greeted him with a “Hello, Duane!” After a couple of times, he nodded his head in response.

My experience with Duane reminded me of a statement that a caregiver once said about caring for someone suffering from dementia: “You must realize that someone with dementia is living in his/her own world which may be totally different than others. You cannot force your world upon him/her. You must accept this reality and accept his/her actions and not try to change them.”

Perhaps in our daily lives if we can realize that people around us act and think differently than us because their “world” is shaped differently than ours due to education, culture, language, emotions, etc., we can be more tolerant and compassionate toward each other. The world would be a more peaceful place to live in.